So much has happened in the last few months, yet my mood seems to stay the same. I have been in a state of mild hibernation. Of course, the little man brings me joy on a daily basis. Then, the constant underlying state of neutrality begins anew. The midwest...the city in which I live really...has been covered in snow once again. Whenever I was a child, I lived on an old farmstead that was called home by my grandfather, his father, and his father. My dad spent a lot of time as a child at this place, as well. My brother, sister, and I would build snow men, make snow angels, go sledding, have snow ball fights... We would watch one of our parents build a fire on a nightly basis. It was our only source of heat. Our mom would warm of our pajamas in the dryer, so that we would feel warm after our baths. Winter, in short, was full of fun and comfort. I used to pray that it would snow.
As I grew in years, snow and ice started to mean different things. It was cold to walk to class. It was hard to drive on, and sometimes scary. I would, instead of venturing outdoors, read in the comfort of my four blue walls. As a mom, there's less time for reading. I also feel sometimes that it may be too cold for an almost two year old to be playing outside. I know that his dad feels that way all the time. I almost have to sneak outside play time in our daily lives, which means that we do not have daily outside time. We have built a snow man. We also have made snow balls. The little man likes to pick up the snow ball to throw it again, instead of making another one. At first, he didn't want to have anything to do with the snow, but now it is a wonder for him and wonderful for me to watch. The white stuff doesn't seem so foreign or menacing when the temperatures are above zero!
It's hard to breathe the same air all the time. I feel almost claustrophobic in my house. We are doing well, despite what feels like life's intermission (winter). I am so thankful for the friends that we have in our lives. If it weren't for them, I don't think that we'd venture out at all. It would be goodbye fall...hello spring. The little man is really developing quickly these days. He's imitating, exploring his independence, and talking a lot. Wow! I need to write so many things down! I wish that we had a tape recorder, so that I could record his voice and ideas as he matures. Getting to love him is the best...the very best...aspect of my life.
The sun is shining. We may get outside yet today.
Queer Conceptions - April 2015
3 hours ago