Butternut Squash Disaster

Hello all! I'm sorry, no pics. We hope all is well. We have continued to work on the house. It's amazing when you start a task another unfolds right before your eyes whether you like it or not. The basement floor has been scratched, uncaulked, and recaulked. Now, it needs to be washed once more before we can paint and seal it. I would really like to set up a library downstairs. It would also be nice to be able to do some yoga without having to go out of the house and into the coming wintry weather. My husband is most excited to be able to use a garage for the first time in his life. :)

We have also been working on the yard. I've planted two blackberry bushes on the side of the house. I hope they do well. I have dreams of jam and pies. My mind constantly wanders to the future. I'm looking forward to planning and planting a garden, berry bushes, and fruit trees in the Spring. I am, originally, from an area where farming was the way of life for most people. I remember working in the garden with my grandma as a child. I loved planting seeds. I carried buckets to water them. Then, I watched them grow into beautiful spectacles of nature. I was amazed and still am at the work of God's vision. When it came time to harvest, I knew that the vegetables and fruit were locally grown with love. How I want to share these experiences with our son.

Speaking of the little man, he has been doing well. We have settled into our new home and are able to give him more of the kind of attention he so needs. He is working on being potty trained. He's attempting to say words like cracker, apple, done, and yogurt. He is what makes my world worth living. He's such a blessing from God. He helps me see myself more clearly. He is so patient with me and my journey in becoming the kind of mama he needs and the person I want to be. He loves to be outside. He likes to pick up sticks. He give hugs and kisses. He likes to be read to on a daily basis, which the english major side of me just adores. We have been attending a music class every Saturday. He can clap and keep to a rhythm. He dances to music. He likes having private concerts from his uncle and grandpa. He sings. I will sing and then he will sing. Sometimes, he will sing without being prompted. He has a wonderful voice. He is musically inclined and I plan to give him every opportunity possible so that he can deepen his talents and appreciation. He is wonderfully himself and I love every aspect, even his independence.

Borislav is doing well. He is trying to keep everyone happy at the homestead. He works all day in corporate america to come home only to work some more on the projects that mostly I have deemed necessary. I don't like being that person. It's just so hard to get everything done while I have such a willing little helper. He is also an amazing person in my life. He is so patient and willing to help. He listens. We had a delightful Halloween together. We carved a pumpkin for the first time with Ilia. Little man didn't want to have anything to do with the pumpkin guts. Afterwards, I drew out a sun on the pumpkin, which he carved. I really love the moments when we are all present together.

He has graciously turned over his car to Ilia and I to take to work. So, often times he walks to and from work. He would like to save up enough money to buy a car. I want a home birth. No, I am not pregnant. I hope to be in less than a year. Anyway, sometimes we will catch him walking down the street towards the house, and I have an overwhelming sense of love and appreciation for his sacrificial nature. I feel like just as long as we're together the world is balanced in place. Good man.

We have been enjoying the fall and friends. It's amazing how friends become part of your family. It helps me to understand the time when Christ rejected his mother and siblings. He said, "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my heavenly Father is my brother, and sister, and mother." I understand more now. Sometimes friends treat you with more respect and consideration that your family. At least, that is my experience. We are all in this world together to help and love each other. We are not to demean and control one another. We are supposed to guide our children in the truth and respect them for who they are as people. I appreciate the life lesson that I have been learning. Can't we all see the light in all of us. Can't we see how similar we all are in reality? Maybe if we loved ourselves, we could love others. Or maybe if we loved each other, maybe then we could truly know ourselves and find love. I don't know. I've been thinking....

So, what's with the title? One of the first squashes that we bought, Ilia just loved. So, I bought two at the local farmer's market inspired by the movie Food, Inc. He does not want to have anything to do with the second one. I've tried a little cinnamonon on some bites, which he ate and found interesting. He's not so easily fooled. Yesterday, he started throwing bits on the floor. I really don't like to clean up messes of food. I really don't like it when food is wasted. I know that I need to get over that as a mom. Kids make food messes. Adults do too. I just don't like the negative intent. He looks at me and knowingly drops the food on the floor after he's been told for months not to do so. Hmm... So, does any body have any recipes that are tasty using butternut squash? We have one uncooked squash left. What to do?

Fall is Finally Here

Hello everyone!

As you can imagine, we have been working hard to settle into our new home. It is very exciting, but also exhausting. We've swept countless dog hairs off the floor. We've found dog hair in the refrigerator. We would love to have a dog someday (a cat for me), but with all this hair we're not sure anymore. Many boxes have been moved from the garage and organized somehow in the house. We still have quite a few left to peruse. They are mostly book boxes that will be going downstairs when the downstairs is actually clean. We have painted four rooms: ours is a darker green, our son's is the dark green from our room and a complementary lighter green, the spare bedroom is the light green from our son's room and a pale lilac, the living room is a pale buttery yellow. We've cut down trees. We've cut down bushes. We've pulled out ground cover that is very persistent. It creeps up every now and then with little green leaves. We've stained the deck in the back. Finally, we have come to a point where we can live comfortably and work on projects as we have the energy and the time.

There is so much more space here than in our apartment. It felt like home the first night we slept there. Our son can run around. He has his own room for the first time. It is a designated place for his toys, books, clothes, etc. This has been a great help for us who would like to keep things organized every once and awhile. Our room, thus, is not as cluttered. Although, there is still that pile of half dirty/half clean clothes that I do have to sort some time. There is a spare bedroom that contains a bed and also my craft ideas. I didn't realize that I've had so many ideas that have not come into fruition. Well, there is never a dull moment. I always feel like there is something to do, which is nice and not nice at the same time. Gone are the days when I could just relax. We are home buyers now. There are leaves to be raked, grass to be mowed, and house repairs that I know are looming in the midst. We need to insulate the house for winter. We need to re-caulk the bath tub. All in all, we take pride in maintaining our little place in the middle of the town in which we live.

Ilia has had a tough time through all these transitions. It was hard for him to not share as much time with the both of us. He wanted to help so many times when we were painting, cleaning, raking, etc. So, one parent has had to work, while the other takes care of him. I hope that we don't put out his desire to help. I hope that he just gets better at it. :) If he was not allowed to help, then he wanted to be held. It's hard trying to do things one handed. If he was unsure, then he wanted to nurse. It was obvious that he wasn't receiving enough attention, so we have put the downstairs on the back burner. He is much more well adjusted now. He has really developed quickly over the last month. He can say more words. He is more expressive. He found a new activity that he really loves: jumping. He likes to sing, dance, and imitate expressions to music. It is unfortunate that we cannot go outside more often. We have a very very bad case of mosquitos on our property. We were out for about 10 minutes the other day and 7 of them decided he would taste good. Poor guy! He can't even play in his own backyard. We need to do something, but we're not sure what.

The neighbors have been very welcoming. We've enjoyed walking around the neighborhood like we used to before we moved into my mom's house a couple of months ago. We've had more people over in the past two weeks than in the past 3 years of living together. We feel comfortable with the space and the clutter. Our house is open, peaceful, and inviting. We look forward to happy memories to be made in the future. We have so many plans and dreams that finally can be grasped like landscaping, gardening, and berry bush planting. I see a lot of pies, jam, juice, and suace in our future. I also hear faintly, very faintly the pitter patter of more than one pair of little feet. Oh...we love life. We love the changing of the seasons. I look forward to more nature walks and carving pumpkins with our little one. This is a time of change for us and we're growing beautifully.

Baby is Sick

In the last few weeks, we have made a few drastic changes in our life. We had been looking for a house since the middle of June. That was quite an experience. I checked the real estate ads almost every day for houses. We looked at houses almost three times a week for 5 weeks or so. It was like living at an auction for a month: always aware of the new houses on the market. I would be excited only to find myself let down. Finally, at the end of July, we found it. My mother is an avid reader of Craigslist. She had noticed this 3 bedroom with hardwood flooring house listed that day. My mom and I went to look at the house. Then, Borislav and I went to look at the house. We loved what we saw. The floors were hardwood. There was a decent sized back yard. There was a basement for all of our storage and a room for Borislav to have all to himself. It was quite perfect for our needs and wants. My mother encouraged us to make an offer. So, we did. We came to good terms. It now seemed that we had find a house at long last. That night I couldn't sleep. I kept thinking about what I would paint the walls, what furniture could go where, what crafts could be made where, what foods could be grown, and so much more. I heard pitter patter of more than one pair of little feet. I feel sometimes that I am living a dream. It's real, fortunately. We have been approved. The house has been inspected. The sellers have agreed to fix all but one of our requests. The house has been appraised for more than the agreed selling price. Now, we are waiting for the lending process to be complete.

What are we doing in the meantime? Well, since we felt very good about the sellers and thought that the house would go through, we did not sign our lease. We moved out in about a week after finding the house. That was difficult. I have never moved with a baby before, and am thankful that we do not have to move again for awhile. It is hard to help a little one understand that mommy and daddy must pack, move boxes, clean the apartment. We are now living at my mother's place. My sister and her baby also live here. It has been a rough transition for all of us. We have different parenting styles, and our babies have different temperaments (bed times as well). Work has been steady. My car does not work, so it is at the salvage yard. I've had to bum rides for the last month or so. That's getting old pretty quick. I just don't think that I can handle trying to apply for two loans at the same time. I also am not sure how long I will continue to work. The need for another car might not really be a need at all.

In and amongst all this, Ilia has come down with a fever. He woke up all through Sunday night/Monday morning wanting to nurse. I didn't know what was going on until the morning. He was oozing mucus profusely-the yellowish goopy kind. I increased his fruit and yogurt intake. I nursed him more often. Yesterday, I found some crusty stuff in his ears. I cleaned them out thinking that it was just cereal. Today, the crusties were there again. Hmm...I called the doctor after a few sleepless nights, feverish days, and runny stuff. I really wanted his body to heal itself. The doctor was disappointed that I didn't give him more tylenol. I should have come in earlier with a sick son who has an ASD (Atrial Septal Defect). I don't believe in over-medicating children or adults. I wish that I knew more about herbal treatments. I think that these changes have been the hardest on him. Someone is awake...time for more mothering my sweet babe.

Into the Night...

We spent our honeymoon, thanks to Tracey, at a local B&B. It was a beacon in the night. In the morning, we had the pleasure of eating home made quiche and berry compote. Mr. Tucker was so generous to cook us such a scrumptious meal. He also gave us a brief history of the house itself. Meanwhile, Ilia enjoyed playing with Mr.Taylor's piano. We hope to visit this B&B for anniversaries to come. If you ever come to the Columbia area, I would highly recommend a night on one of their dreamy beds and a morning of mouth watering delights at The Taylor House.

If you would like to know more about the history of this place: http://www.taylor-house.com/history.cfm

Wedding Act III

I hope that all of you know that I am not living in the past. I simply do not have time to do this day justice in one post or in one day. One of the major projects that we are working on is looking for/buying a house. We are also potty training Ilia. :)

After the pictures (True Life Images from Ashland, MO did a wonderful job) we walked into a beautiful candle lit room full of real flowers and plants. My mom had decorated the Upper Loft of the Les Bourgeois beyond any vision I ever had. I had envisioned 8 or so candles and vases for the bouquets. There were at least 50 glasses filled with dirt to sustain the calla lilies and the like. There were faux crystal beads and ribbons strung all throughout the middle of a 6 table x 2 table large table. All the people were looking in the middle at each other. In the picture above, you'll notice how the railing was decorated. The wedding cake (lemon poppy seed with buttercream icing) is to our left. We chose All About Cakes from Montgomery City, MO because we thought that her cakes tasted and looked the best. We had brown napkins engraved with gold lettering our names and the date of our wedding next to the cake. All these decisions seemed so important at the time.

We acted like we were cutting the cake for the photographers, then we participated in a Bulgarian wedding tradition. Borislav's mom held out honey with bread for us to eat, so that our life together may always be growing (yeast in the bread) and sweet (honey). She fed us the bread, then we drank the sparkling grape juice interlocking our arms, if this makes sense. Next, we wrapped the glasses in a towel that Borislav stomped on. The glass would not break. Supposedly, the more glass shards the more good memories you'll have in your marriage. Borislav started jumping up and down on the white enveloped glasses to no avail. I had to stop his determined efforts ( I didn't want the people downstairs thinking something was wrong.). Perhaps, the glasses not breaking means that our marriage is unbreakable.? I hope so. Bulgarian music began playing, so people sat down to socialize. I put together the seating chart, and was very happy to see that Tracey, my dad's girlfriend, had written so beautifully the names of all the people on cards and put them at the right places. I wanted everyone to be able to talk to someone they liked talking to most of the time.

In and amongst all this, three babies had to be taken care of periodically. Ilia ate some pureed baby food and some banana. My sister's baby was being entertained. Our friends baby was expressing her excitement. We had appetizers. We ordered our food. Then, we had our toasts. Instead of just one person toasting, everyone was given a chance to toast. I was moved almost to tears many times. I just felt so blessed to have these people in our life. People seemed fairly content with what they ordered to eat. We changed the music to classical songs like Debussy's "Claire de Lune". I had the salmon and asparagus. It was divine. I'm looking forward to having an anniversary dinner there next year. mmm....good....I really wanted to have some dancing, so while people finished their meals we danced.

The first dance was with my dad, Stevie Wonder's "My Girl". Again, I love Father of the Bride. My dad and I watched that movie several times when I was growing up. But, it was too fast paced. My dad dipped me once, but I recovered. Then, I realized that it was a double dip, so I almost did not recover. It was good to dance with him. Borislav and I danced to Peter Frampton's "Baby, I love Your Way". The picture above is during our dance. We like that song because we do just love being with each other....we want to be with each other "night and day". I think that dance was my favorite part of the reception. I was feeling very excitedly anxious. Borislav just calmed my nerves. I was able to breathe in his energy. He just swayed me gently back and forth while being careful with my dress. He stroked my hand with his. We moved our arms in the same motion up and down while waiting for the song to turn on. We touched our foreheads. We kissed and were just close to each other...the most closeness that we had had all evening. It was just so miraculous, the energy I felt while dancing with him. The kiss was amazingly sweet and sensual. I loved every second that I could feel this blissful with my husband. Then, it came to my turn to share him. Borislav danced with his mother to a Bulgarian soft rock song from the 80's.

I danced with my brother to Kansas's "Dust in the Wind". We used to jam to that a few years ago. My brother plays the guitar, as I'm sure you know. I like to accompany him by singing. We also like to sing Neutral Milk Hotel's "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea", but I didn't think most people would get that song. It was good just to have a little time to talk with him during the wedding celebration. I wish I could talk with him more often. My sister and I danced with our boys to Cake's "Long Skirt, Long Jacket". We like to be silly together, so when a Cake song comes on the radio, we automatically have to dance. We dance in the car. The other songs that were played were "Never My Love" by The Association, "Happy Together" by The Turtles, and A Kind of Hush" by Herman's Hermits.

We had some cake between dances. Borislav and I fed each other cake very nicely. It was delicious. mmm...good...I think others enjoyed it as well. We had ordered a lot of it, so we were able to share some with friends after the wedding. I really liked that I could share my wedding with others who were not there, but really helped support us throughout it's development.

We had the garter toss. It was interesting. Borislav didn't really want to have a toss, but I thought, "Why not?" He lifted my dress to reveal my mendhi ankles. My crafty mama support was showing through. :) He slipped the garter off very gently, then threw it to the single men: my brother, my dad, and our friend. Later on, our friend said that he and my dad were talking about how this toss was going to play out. My dad said that he did not need the garter and that my brother was going to college, so they were out. Our friend caught it to his contentment. With the bouquet toss: the single ladies were Tracey, our friend, my sister, my mother, and my brother's girlfried. My brother's girlfriend caught the bouquet. I hope she keeps it. These events may be in the wrong order.

We only booked the bistro for about 5 hours, so by then it was about time to go. The wedding certificate needed to be signed. My sister and Borislav's dad singed it. It was getting more official all the time. :) We got our baby boy ready to go. Then, I went to look for my stuff. I couldn't find my clothes that I changed out of before the wedding. People assured me that it would be fine. I also had misplaced my vows. The candle that we had made had burned almost completely, since we forgot to blow it out. Then, I shook out any tasks that I could be doing out of my mind and walked out the double doors into the night. People splashed us with flower petals. Wow! We said our good-byes. We left them to clean up, and I strolled to the car with my husband and our baby. The youngters who were at the car disappeared when they heard us coming. Our car had white paint all over it. Hmm...."Just Married" and "the love is in the car seat". :) I got into the care carefully with my sequined wedding dress. The baby was placed in his seat. We held hands, then drove off into the night to our next destination.